Day four on my
Time-out Throne.
Except my throne has become
A throne room as vast amounts
Of new furniture have magically
found their way around me.
“Mila! Imagine we’re sitting on our patio, watching the sunset, candles lit, as night crickets are chirping. And instead of these hard chairs we’re on a couch. Hold this image in your body,” I coached Mila at least 10x over this past week.
We’re playing with magik a lot over here.
And yesterday, while writing my essay: “the time out chair”, two couches and two beanbag chairs somehow, easily and freely, found their way to me, to our patio.
I laugh out loud.
Today, a steady stream of humans move
with rhythm in and out of our Villa.
All in some strange devotion to me,
I notice with shock and humility.
“Anytime you need the healthy masculine. Please call me” Souvereign & Ricky offer as they lift my new couch over the villa wall, and then gently place it in our kitchen.
Food and supplies being dropped off.
Lawn mowed. Villa cleaned.
Later, relaxed on the new furniture, Cat is gently wrapping my foot in a bandage.
She’s telling us about the enormous psychic unearthing that’s unfolded for her over the past weekend at a Tantra retreat.
A tantra retreat I was supposed to be at before the Jungle had other plans.
As I listen with awe, glee, & respect. I can feel a relief inside my own system that my weekend had turned out the way that it had. The potency of these spaces is undeniable. But right now, I have enough unearthed unconscious material deserving my care and integration before asking my Body to do more.
When Cat’s done sharing.
It’s my turn.
An alive longing and excited uncertainty bubble up from me. The vulnerable panic of the upcoming situation my audacious energy got me into.
“Why do I do this to myself! I’ve worked so hard to have this thin sliver of fragile stability. And now I’ve dropped myself into the most complex situation I could ask of my barely-stable-sweet-attachment-system” I say ratherly dramatically.
Because underneath the attachment-terror at vulnerability,
There’s a much deeper-rooted Confidence and self-trust. A mischievousness.
A flirtatiousness
Mila’s matriarchal, mother wisdom matches my energy and grounds me tenderly. She reminds me of all the things my Body knows but my wild Mind forgets.
“You have got you.
You don’t know what’s going to happen
His reactions make perfect sense
He’s allowed to be protected
His experience is deeply valid.
Don’t catastrophize
Stay in your heart.
Share honestly, authentically, and vulnerably
Remain open.
You are the Mystery.
You are Love
Come what may this will transform you.
You’re not alone.”
“I can’t wait to meet him.” Cat says
“Stay tuned guys 🫡”
We breathe, I am calm.
Mila’s Turn.
What a wild and holy thing
to stay vulnerable. Open
To reach even when rejection is possible. Brave
Living
Fun!
I absolutely love it. as i hate it. This is what I’m here for.
Full audacious aliveness, as we stand at
the edge of this New Moon/ Solar Eclipse in Leo.
Thank Goddess I’ve been
learning to dance in the Mystery.
Grounded in the unknown.
Thank GODDESS I’ve been
in such devotion to this Land
whose Love back is palpable.
Thank Goddess for the influx
of Birds today who showed
up in numbers I hadn’t seen before.
Thank goddess
for friends,
and men,
and courage.
Thank you sweet swollen ankle (that’s 80% healed) for the necessary initiation this time-out has put me into contact with.
Day four on my time-out throne
And another friend is on their way,
But now I have an abundance of more
“time-out” chairs for us to choose from.